Last post before June

This will be my last post before June. I am gearing up for my trip to England which is only a week away. My getting ready for the trip has been complicated by some minor storm damage to my house and someone almost plowing through my garage. The minor damage I am going to handle later today, but the garage will need to be fixed by a contractor.

But this has not put a damper on my spirits. I have a quiet excitement about me in regards to this trip. It will be good for me to see the Abbey of Mount St. Bernard "from the inside", so to speak. Providentially I have already had an "inside view" of Our Lady of Spring Bank Abbey. I think I will finally be able to make an apples to apples comparison.

Please keep me in your prayers.
PAX

Journey and Destination

From quite a young age I felt the call
To follow my LORD and give my all.
Giving up that which others would seek
Following a king both humble and meek

God’s call to me was not always clear
I had searched for it both far and near
In Chicago and in England, too
I searched sincerely for what I should do

Priest, Friar or Monk are they all the same
There is more to this than just in name.
Reading lives of saints can put things askew
Showing us ideals attained by few

Living for Christ can be done today
He gives each one of us our own way
Ways that were strange when I was younger
Now in my heart; for which I hunger

The need to be seen working a job
Now doesn’t seem to be worth “a bob”
Worshipping God by praying the Hours
Feeling his Love; Feeling his Power

The Opus Dei is now job one
After which the other tasks are done
So we are told in the holy Rule
For living a life in Love’s own school

It all seems so clear, now it makes sense
The fog now gone at the time was dense
Robert, Alberic and Stephen show
Along with Bernard the vale of Cîteaux

Second Visit to Mount St. Bernard Abbey - one month away

I will be making my second vocational visit to Mount St. Bernard Abbey in about one months time. I am quite excited about this prospect. This time I will be staying with the community instead of in the guest house..

I think one of the tougher aspects of the visit is to remove my rose-colored glasses. It is too easy for me to superimpose what I am looking for on to what actually exists. The best mind-set is for me to go in with an open mind, not wearing any blinders. It is easy to say, but hard to do. Part of the difficulty is that I have been trying for years to follow my vocation.

I think there is a parallel in the dating world, when someone is in love with the idea of being in love; but not in a true loving relationship with the person they are dating. And whether one is looking for their religious vocation or there spouse, when you get to a certain age there is a lot of pressure.

I need to be sure I do not overlook a possible significant, or make a mountain out of a molehill. Or, I should say, I need to rely on God's grace and the prayers of others. When making a these steps in what will eventually be a life-long commitment, the logic of the world does not always apply. The time comes when one can no longer leave their options open. I think it is Kierkegaard who talks about taking the leap of faith. And ultimately faith is all that matters in my decision.

I pray that God blesses those who have taken the time to read my little blog, and I humbly ask for your prayers for my decision.

PAX

Why Now?

I would like to wish everyone a Happy and Holy Easter Season. A number of friends have asked why I am no looking at a monastic vocation.

For the last ten years, give or take, I have worked for Commercial Insurance brokerages. I have worked on some large national accounts and I have worked on “mom & pop shops”. Some of the accounts I worked on had thousands of locations. One of the accounts was recently named in the federal indictment against former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevic. In my last position I worked on a book of business that generated over $660,000 in revenue with the premium volume being around $5,000,000. I would work until 8 - 10 PM most nights.

I was making pretty good money, but I barely had a life. I was sleeping very little during the week and twelve hours a night on the weekend. I rarely made it to Mass. (I still wish there were Sunday evening Masses around Blue Island.)

On Ash Wednesday 2006 my mother passed away. My two brothers were living at the house, but because of financial reason, the house needed to be sold in 2008. A number of months later, around 10PM, I turned off my computer at work with the thought, “Why am I killing myself with this job?” I went home and wrote my letter of resignation.

I knew I wanted to do something important with my life, and I was thinking about going back in to education, but this time with a degree. I was looking at getting my masters, but first I needed to get some undergraduate requirements fulfilled. I signed up at a local community college to take a couple classes. Before the classes even began I had a number of realizations.

I started going back to Mass at St. Isidore’s It is a wonderful little parish at the border of Blue Island and Calumet Park. I realized how much I missed Mass, and how important it is to me. I began to reflect on what is truly important to me and what was not. The house, the car, the big paycheck grew wan in my eyes. Things and stuff are not important to me. What is? THE ETERNAL. GOD. HEAVEN. SALVATION.

On Saturday August 20, 2008 I went to evening Mass at St. Isidore’s. (Later I was to find out the August 20 is the Feast of St. Bernard.) Sunday morning I prayed Lauds, the went on to the internet to check my email. Almost instantly I felt the need to search out monastic communities. I fire was lit under me, and I searched with single-hearted purpose. I kept searching until 6PM. I ended my search with Vespers and three communities that stood out. I have talked about my search criterion previously, and I do not want to bore you with repetition.

But I will go back to talking about the fire that was lit under me. It has been a driving force in my life, and affects all of my decisions about the future. When I felt this renewed call to religious life, I was just a few days away from my 40th birthday. I had never felt such impetus in my life before. In the past, when I had to do something “now,” the order came from outside myself. God has put this impetus deep within me, and it has given me a direction and a joy that my life sorely need.

Taking Holy Week off from Blogging

After Easter I will be returning to this blog. Until then I will leave you with this funny quote:

“I once asked Master what a monk is. "A monk is anyone whom a monk says is a monk." he replied.


When I asked if I was a monk, I was ejected from the compound. Monks are a strange lot.”

~Lord Byron

Have a Blessed Holy Week!!!

Back from Savannah, GA

I was down in Savannah, Georgia. This trip was a series of firsts. I had never been to the South before. Despite my age, I am a new driver, and I had never driver so much before. And I never heard a tornado warning go off during Mass before.

The Cathedral of St. John the Baptist is a gorgeous perpendicular gothic-styled church. A friend of mine who is stationed at Hunter Army Airfield accompanied me to the 5:30 PM Mass last Saturday. During the homily a noise could be heard outside. The priest told us that there might be a siren warning and he did not know what we should do. His homily on the passion of the Lord was over, and quickly spoke on trusting in the Lord in uncertain times. The thunderstorm did get a little more lively, but there was no tornado: thank God. I don't think I ever looked around at the beautiful stained glass and saw implements of death before.

On reflection, I think that this is a pretty good metaphor for vocations. There was no external guarantee that I was in the right place; I just had to trust that I was. On the flip side, the beautiful setting could have been quite dangerous if a tornado had touched down. I was reading Br. Stephen's Blog earlier. He quoted Fr. Robert's homily of last Sunday who spoke on the topic of vocations despairing that some are seeking the ultimate of certainty and self-fulfillment. Fr. Robert continues:

Of course any real vocation – be it religious life, family life, single life, et cetera is anything but these things. Vocation is a mystery that demands compassion -- suffering with, dying with, and rising with the Lord Christ. We search and search for that ultimate vocation – not realizing that what we are searching for is right in front of us – the passion of our Lord, the passion in which we are to share. The form we do this, is really secondary, and often unknowable.

Christ tells us to die to self and to pick up our cross. Christ does not tell us to be self-actualized and empowered. Christ continues to confound the wise of this world.

On the Feast of the Annunciation of Our Lord

On this day I pause in memory of Archbishop Maurice Couve de Murville. He was archbishop of the Archdiocese of Birmingham, England. He was ordained to the episcopacy on the Feast of the Annunciation of Our Lord (March 25th) 1982. He was archbishop until 1999, and he passed away November 3, 2007.

In some circles he was not very popular. This may have stemmed from the fact that he went from university chaplain to archbishop in one step. He was also from an aristocratic family. When I lived in England, he was the only Catholic prelate whose coat of arms was officially recognized, because of his person and not his office.

I fondly remember "His Grace". Back in the early 90's, second year seminarians at Oscott College had a common apostolate at Dudley Road Hospital in the city of Birmingham. One woman Imet at the hospital lived literally in the shadow of the seminary with her family in a "council house." She asked if I would visit her when she went home, and one day early in May I did. Her Husband and children met me at the door, and soon I was offered a cup of tea. As she was home-bound, I asked her if she ever received visits from her parish. She told me about Monsignor Maurice visiting her home.

She had no idea that this man was the Archbishop of Birmingham. She told me that she was embarrassed that her children take the gold cross out of his pocket to look at it (ie, his pectoral cross). One of her kids asked if the cross was real gold and how much it costs. I asked her if it was the Archbishop, and she only knew that he lived at the Archbishop's House on St. Chad's Queensway. Well the only Maurice in that house was the Archbishop himself.
So when people referred to His Grace as being aloof and out of touch with the common person, I would relate this story.

I really this think that it is quite extraordinary that this man who was an archbishop and a prince (but not a prince-archbishop) would visit people in this lower working-class neighborhood. And it is one of the reasons while he will always have my respect.

Maurice Couve de Murville (1929 - 2007) Requiescat in Pace et Ora pro Nobis

An obituary from The Telegraph can be found here.